Day 5: One Week

It took a week. A week for me to get homesick. Sigh. But I guess one week in means I'm 1/8th of the way through the tour. And they are already asking if I'd be willing to extend it into December after a break for Thanksgiving. I can't bring myself to process that right now. All I want to do is go hear some blues, drink some beer, eat some yummy food, and then sleep until noon tomorrow. So that's exactly what I'm gonna do.

Peace.

Day 4: Paternity Tests, the economy and Hole in the Wall.

I am endlessly amazed by how much you discover in only the space of 24 hours.

Like today, I discovered, via the radio, about a paternity test that is available at my local Walgreens, and thank god for that. Now I can finally find out who the baby daddy's of all my bastard children are, simply by swabbing their cheeks and sending them into the corporate headquarters. Finally.

Also, the adventure of the day was to hit up a mall, maybe see a movie, buy something pretty, especially since I never EVER go to the mall at home. Anyway, drove down to downtown Memphis, to what seemed to be a massive, fancy, exciting mall called Peabody Place, right down the street from Beale. What did I find? A three story mall, with 6 open stores: Starbucks, Footlocker, Victoria's Secret, some ice cream cake store, Gap, and some specialty clothing store. Lame. So, I got a sneak peak at Beale Street, but I will not be sharing this with you quite yet. It is waaaay too awesome to just give a little bit of information. Tomorrow is the day I will explore not only the streets (which you can drink on), but the blues clubs (which are everwhere), and the BBQ, and trust me. After I sleep in on Saturday I will spare no detail. I know you're jealous. 

What was I talking about?

Oh yeah.

Tried to get to another mall across town, which had Sears open but NOTHING else. Plus it was surrounded by empty strip malls, out of business restaurants, and for lease buildings. My interpretation about our "troubled economy" extended as far as business being slow at the restaurant, me struggling to pay my bills etc.... But seeing all these empty buildings, knowing how many people had lost their jobs, it really hit home that........this blows, and we could all be in a lot of trouble if it continues. Thinking back to Louisville, and all the empty stores we passed, commenting on how it seemed to be a ghost town, it seems to not be exclusive to this area. 

Strange though, while all these local business are going under, there is still funding available to produce a show on FOX called Hole in the Wall, which is a reality show where contestants......... wait for it.......... jump through a hole in the wall. No joke.

Finally in an extended stay hotel/apartment with a kitchen, laundry and reliable internet. Plus, I'm saving a ton of money on my weekly budget, so I may get to stay at the real Heartbreak Hotel my last night in town. Freaking awesome.

Day 3: Bibles for China: Mom would proud.

After a full day of shows, I went thrifting while housekeeping finally came and cleaned the hotel room. There is this thrift center down the street from the hotel, and upon entry I discovered that this establishment was named "Bibles for China", as was supported by the hundreds of religious books, paintings, CDs, even 8 tracks. I have posted some pictures for you to get a hint at what this store was like. The army stool with legs, the anti abortion flag (next to the star of David). There was even a painting at the cash register (next to the no swearing sign) of jesus and hanging from the painting was a crown of thorns. I even found some neat stuff, a book (1984), a picture frame, a hat (Marlboro Country Music, red cordoroy), and a little something to bring to someone back home. :) Made me miss Mom, as I usually hit up thrift stores with her. 

I am so excited to get out of this hotel tomorrow! We're moving to an extended stay hotel with a kitchen, dresser, desk, laundry, hopefully it will restore some normalcy. PLUS. Get to go downtown this weekend, go to BB Kings, hear some blues, sleep in. And then next weekend, to the home of Jack Daniel's to meet up with another troupe. Strange fact: the town where they make Jack is a dry town. You can only drink at the plant. Crazy, eh?

I find myself using ma'am's, and sir's a whole lot, I hear that everywhere and just have picked it up. Being so surrounded with these thick accents, you can't help but pick it up. It seems rude not to reply with "yes ma'am", when even the 6 year olds reply with it as they give me hugs. Which is damn cute by the way. 

For now..........

Ode to Patty O'tomtom Part One

Oh Patty, my Patty, how can I express, 

My deep gratitude for your help it's the best.

Your smart irish lilt makes me laugh right out loud, 

While you help me to navigate out of the crowd.

These things that I praise you for I never could do

For my directional skills are equal to poo poo.

Forgive my crude language, but please understand, 

Your patience and smarts help me explore this land.

I never will doubt you, or cause you to stray, 

You earn your rest well at the end of the day.

So please never spite me, or change your sweet lingo.

Or at very high speeds I'll chuck you out the window.

Day 2: The Dude, or how I learned not to drink before a show day.

Wow, I didn't think so many people would actually read this thing. Now I actually have to keep it updated. Damn you all. Don't you know I have so much more important things to do right now like......sit on my ass at the hotel and watch reruns of No Reservations while recovering from last night's horrible idea?

What horrible idea you ask?

Wait for it.

After getting through the first day of shows, I felt the need to celebrate. And celebrate we did, with White Russians and The Big Lebowski. Super fun, discovered that Steve makes a strong cocktail. I will spare you the details, needless to say getting up at 6am was hell, as was the drive to our first school, as was getting sick across the street before going in to do 3 shows back to back to back. I honestly do not know how I got through those shows, but I did, again stunned by the Hanna Montana mania. I also noticed that at every school we have been to so far, all the students are dressed in red, white or navy blue polos. Not sure if this is exclusive to Tennessee or something that is common in this part of the country. 

Again, I will spare you details, but as we stopped for gas on the way back to the hotel, I found a nice little spot behind a dumpster and.....well. Needless to say I will no longer be drinking during the week when we have an early show the next day. A lesson I am glad to have learned early. At our second school, the VP from TVA, our client/sponsor was there with a couple other suits, and they came up to us after and seemed to really love it, even offered their help should we need anything while we were in town.

For a variety of reasons, (missing family, friends, John, my cat) I'm trying to find a weekend to go home, it's tough because there is always a chance that we will get another show added to the schedule. Weekend after next there is some school work day on a monday so we not only have a 3 day weekend, but the previous Friday our last show is over at 10am so I think I want to check out Graceland and pretend I actually give a shit about Elivs. I am way more excited to go down to Beale Street and check out everything I've always heard about. 

I have named the GPS in the car. His name is Patty O' TomTom (yes, it is actually a tomtom) He has an irish accent which amuses me to no end, because I will be driving and totally forget about it, and then he will advise to "turn left into motorway, stay in the right lane", and I just giggle. Every time. So I have decided to write an ode to Patty O' TomTom. And it shall be epic.

EPIC.

or, if you prefer:

Legend-

wait for it......

dary! (thank you NPH)

Day 1: Memphis

Alright. My first blog ever. I have entered a new era of computer usage. No promises kids.

So.

I am now in Memphis, after a crazy week of rehearsals at NTC, getting tons and tons of information about traveling, schools, finances, not the mention the show itself. After tearful goodbyes, we drove to Chicago, (myself, my tour partner Steve, and another group that are headed to TN, Nick and Aimee. We spent the day walking around the city, looking at Second City, and all the greats pictured on the outside. John Candy under 200 pounds? Holy shit. We jumped on the EL and took it down to the Magnificant Mile, saw the Bean, and walked through the park, down to the pier. There were tons and tons of sailors walking around on shore leave but Aimee and I did not have the balls to go ask to get our pictures taken with them. Of course we had deep dish pizza and beer, but then headed down to Louisville, KY. I really enjoyed our day here. I started the mullet count, which is still at 2 surprisingly. The city was beautiful, but oddly quiet. Many of the buildings stood vacant, and there was little to no traffic on the road or on the sidewalks. We found a local diner with a Sunday buffet and had REAL sweet tea, and REAL fried chicken, and sweet corn. Actually come to think of it everything was sweet. Even the bread. Weird. As we walked back towards the home of he Louisville Slugger, we ran into the AIDs walk which was really moving to hear peoples stories. And the worlds largest bat was just crazy huge, even got to hit the batting cages, and suck really hard at it. Awesome.

So 6 hours later, in Memphis. Looks just like any other town here by the hotel. But as you get into neighborhoods, you find these beautiful buildings, hole in the wall bbq places, waffle houses, and beautiful foliage. We had our first two shows today, they went great, now I have 3 hours before the next one, and then we are done for the day. I am still figuring out how to manage my time, but I have a feeling once I get the hang of it I will have a LOT. This will be an adjustment to be sure.

(insert 2 hour nap on the loveseat here. why the love seat? because the jerk at the front desk booked us a room with one king size bed. and steve got there first.)

Things I have learned about Memphis, TN so far:

1. You can smoke pretty much anywhere, the guy at the liquor store was a chimney.

2. Liquor stores sell wine and liquor. Beer is purchased as the gas station.

3.  Administrators at the schools find it damn near unfathomable that you will able to speak loud enough to a room full of kids without a mic.

4.  There is a Waffle House on pretty much every block.

At our third show, we met a guy who was the TA for the school, who was setting up the sound system that we had NO intention on using. He was very willing to chat with us about the educational system, and even felt the need to give us tips about how to connect with the kids. The interesting thing was that he assumed that we had been told that we would have to "dumb it down" for this area, and was quick to tell us that it was "getting better". He even gave us some pointers about where to go downtown for some great authentic BBQ.

Another random fact. If I so much as allude to Hanna Montana during the show, or even just chatting with the kids before the show, I get deafening screams of joy. Scary.